I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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