there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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