glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
