i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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