U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
zippers are such a cool invention
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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