All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
