my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
