can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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