There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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