Texts From Last Night

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  (775): View more from Nevada

  What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!

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  (775): What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS? (1-775): A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass! http://tfl.nu/lvgp
  Replies (16) Good night (1685) Bad night (2482)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.

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  (954): My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet. http://tfl.nu/5qcs
  Replies (48) Good night (1073) Bad night (2849)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  so when am I gonna get some from you?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  when you dick grows 3 inches

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  (202): so when am I gonna get some from you? (617): when you dick grows 3 inches http://tfl.nu/rd2p
  Replies (74) Good night (1992) Bad night (8888)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina

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  (920): The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina http://tfl.nu/dlly
  Replies (28) Good night (1281) Bad night (3706)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.

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  (252): I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME. http://tfl.nu/1mf6
  Replies (94) Good night (18351) Bad night (2817)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.

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  (214): You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet. http://tfl.nu/ajf1
  Replies (23) Good night (7491) Bad night (1014)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once

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  (651): i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once http://tfl.nu/7d16
  Replies (14) Good night (4226) Bad night (1863)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.

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  (724): He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot. http://tfl.nu/rv64
  Replies (2) Good night (833) Bad night (1098)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.

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  (917): She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl. http://tfl.nu/btqg
  Replies (1) Good night (1331) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour

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  (774): It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour http://tfl.nu/kved
  Replies (1) Good night (595) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck

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  (306): woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck http://tfl.nu/v8nv
  Replies (3) Good night (397) Bad night (284)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.

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  (541): Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper. http://tfl.nu/4og2
  Replies (7) Good night (745) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?

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  (570): Can I use your baby to go shoplifting? http://tfl.nu/mon8
  Replies (3) Good night (355) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.

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  (708): I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day. http://tfl.nu/dqby
  Replies (2) Good night (338) Bad night (269)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.

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  (423): That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator. http://tfl.nu/o4y1
  Replies (3) Good night (133) Bad night (207)

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