New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize