she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
