you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
