I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
