can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
