i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
