Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
