all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
