If i come over, it means nothing
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
In other news, I just burned my penis
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
