what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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