it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
