i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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