At least make sure they are 18
Why
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
