Please, let me fuck your mom
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
