Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
