This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
