i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
