dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
