I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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