can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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