no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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