so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
