WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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