What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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