You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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