I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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