Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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