i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
