Dual....:-)
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
