i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize