The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
