And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
