I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
