If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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