I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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