we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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