Just cropdusted the office
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
