thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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