The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
