awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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