i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
