some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
