Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
