I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
