i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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