I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
