Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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