I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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