I bet he comes in French.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
did you just send me my own nude
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
