I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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