I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
