I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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