omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
