I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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